Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I am the luckiest person in the WORLD!
I have the most handsome, kind, funny, and loving husband. I am so proud of him!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Step what?
Today Edwin and I were out in Raleigh near the temple and decided to stop by the church bookstore Line Upon Line to see what they had to offer. This bookstore was new to me and I wanted to see if it was like Deseret Book. While we were looking around I spotted a book called, "The NOT-so-WICKED stepparent". This made me laugh pretty hard and without reading what it was about I decided I HAD to have it.
On the way home I started reading it to myself, mainly to drown out the crying baby in the backseat. It is written by a woman who became a stepchild and then became a stepmother herself. It was fate I found this book. I never was a stepchild, thank the Lord, my parents are still together. I never had stepsiblings either. In fact the whole experience of step anything was completely new to me. I knew being a stepmom would be difficult and trying but until I was with my stepsons for multiple weeks in a row I had no idea of just how hard it would be.
Beside myself with what to do at times I couldn't find comfort in looking to my family for experienced advice. This was foreign to me. Yes my life journey was a little varied from everyone in my family, we all have our own journey's, but for the most part I was typically able to lean on any one of them. Not that they didn't have good advice this time. For not having been through it themselves they actually had amazing advice. But for me, it was like I was suddenly part of a club. A stepparent's club. Of which I have no one in my immediate area in that club that I could lean on. My mother in law is also a stepmom and I have been able to heed her advice for which I am grateful. There's just something about being able to have a support system physically there to be able to run to. I almost feel like I need to join a stepparent's support group. Anyway, getting off track.
Back to the book. I strongly recommend this book for anyone who is a stepparent or is married to one. I think for the biological parents it can help you understand the emotions and trials your spouse may be dealing with. The book made me laugh and almost brought me to tears. It also put a little fear into my heart of what I may be having to look forward to in the future.
As I read I pondered my relationship that I have tried to have with my stepsons so far. It has been only a year and a half since we entered each others lives and they are still very young. Maybe not even quite understanding what to think of this new dynamic to their family. Many things went through my head. First being sadness. Sadness for them and for my husband that they are not constant in each other's lives. That they have to look forward to short trips to be able to spend any amount of time together. The not understanding of the boys as to why they can't be with their dad or why they can't see him more often.
Then my thoughts turned to, forgive me, but a sort of self pity. Yuck that was hard to write. Self pity because I want so badly to have a relationship with them. I have so much love for them and want so desperately for them to have a constant love for me. Maybe a little much to ask of them being so young? It's scary being a stepparent. You're a parent but then not. The chances of them even remembering me between visits is slim. Me on the other hand, I remember them every day. I pray for them every day. I'm scared for them every day. And I'm happy for them every day. Do they know this? No. Why? Because I'm not their parent. I don't have the right to talk to them and build that relationship in between visits. It is more of a one way relationship than a parent has with a teenager.
My third reason for being sad is for Elsie. The same things I felt for me I felt for her. But she really is their sister and they know that. So their is more hope in that relationship and that makes me happy. :) The sadness I felt was more for the time they spend apart when they could be getting to know each other and love each other. But that will come as they get older and remember visits and time spent together. In this I draw hope.
Which brings me to my next feeling while reading the book. Hope. Hope in a better relationship. In being able to communicate and have a better understanding of what they feel with me being in their old home and with their dad where there mother once was. And being able to take that understanding and let it help me with knowing why they may say things or do things that would hurt me. And hoping that the hurt I may feel sometimes would not be turned back around on them. That my response may only be in love and understanding.
There were many times during their last visit when I felt like a complete failure. And other times when I wondered how the outcome had turned out so good. One morning after feeling like a failure, the older stepson was looking out the living room window not saying anything. Just standing there for a little and then without hesitation he said, "Annie"
Me: "Yes?"
Luke: "I love you"
Melted my heart and I replied, "I love you too, Luke"
Moments like those are what keep me going. Moments like those make me forget the angry words he spoke when sent to his room. Moments like those make me feel like he does care. Like he does know and does really love me. Those are the moments I hang on to for dear life when hoping they remember me.
And now for pictures of their last visit for your viewing pleasure and so you can see that they did have a blast with us. :D
On the way home I started reading it to myself, mainly to drown out the crying baby in the backseat. It is written by a woman who became a stepchild and then became a stepmother herself. It was fate I found this book. I never was a stepchild, thank the Lord, my parents are still together. I never had stepsiblings either. In fact the whole experience of step anything was completely new to me. I knew being a stepmom would be difficult and trying but until I was with my stepsons for multiple weeks in a row I had no idea of just how hard it would be.
Beside myself with what to do at times I couldn't find comfort in looking to my family for experienced advice. This was foreign to me. Yes my life journey was a little varied from everyone in my family, we all have our own journey's, but for the most part I was typically able to lean on any one of them. Not that they didn't have good advice this time. For not having been through it themselves they actually had amazing advice. But for me, it was like I was suddenly part of a club. A stepparent's club. Of which I have no one in my immediate area in that club that I could lean on. My mother in law is also a stepmom and I have been able to heed her advice for which I am grateful. There's just something about being able to have a support system physically there to be able to run to. I almost feel like I need to join a stepparent's support group. Anyway, getting off track.
Back to the book. I strongly recommend this book for anyone who is a stepparent or is married to one. I think for the biological parents it can help you understand the emotions and trials your spouse may be dealing with. The book made me laugh and almost brought me to tears. It also put a little fear into my heart of what I may be having to look forward to in the future.
As I read I pondered my relationship that I have tried to have with my stepsons so far. It has been only a year and a half since we entered each others lives and they are still very young. Maybe not even quite understanding what to think of this new dynamic to their family. Many things went through my head. First being sadness. Sadness for them and for my husband that they are not constant in each other's lives. That they have to look forward to short trips to be able to spend any amount of time together. The not understanding of the boys as to why they can't be with their dad or why they can't see him more often.
Then my thoughts turned to, forgive me, but a sort of self pity. Yuck that was hard to write. Self pity because I want so badly to have a relationship with them. I have so much love for them and want so desperately for them to have a constant love for me. Maybe a little much to ask of them being so young? It's scary being a stepparent. You're a parent but then not. The chances of them even remembering me between visits is slim. Me on the other hand, I remember them every day. I pray for them every day. I'm scared for them every day. And I'm happy for them every day. Do they know this? No. Why? Because I'm not their parent. I don't have the right to talk to them and build that relationship in between visits. It is more of a one way relationship than a parent has with a teenager.
My third reason for being sad is for Elsie. The same things I felt for me I felt for her. But she really is their sister and they know that. So their is more hope in that relationship and that makes me happy. :) The sadness I felt was more for the time they spend apart when they could be getting to know each other and love each other. But that will come as they get older and remember visits and time spent together. In this I draw hope.
Which brings me to my next feeling while reading the book. Hope. Hope in a better relationship. In being able to communicate and have a better understanding of what they feel with me being in their old home and with their dad where there mother once was. And being able to take that understanding and let it help me with knowing why they may say things or do things that would hurt me. And hoping that the hurt I may feel sometimes would not be turned back around on them. That my response may only be in love and understanding.
There were many times during their last visit when I felt like a complete failure. And other times when I wondered how the outcome had turned out so good. One morning after feeling like a failure, the older stepson was looking out the living room window not saying anything. Just standing there for a little and then without hesitation he said, "Annie"
Me: "Yes?"
Luke: "I love you"
Melted my heart and I replied, "I love you too, Luke"
Moments like those are what keep me going. Moments like those make me forget the angry words he spoke when sent to his room. Moments like those make me feel like he does care. Like he does know and does really love me. Those are the moments I hang on to for dear life when hoping they remember me.
And now for pictures of their last visit for your viewing pleasure and so you can see that they did have a blast with us. :D
Friday, December 17, 2010
A Christmas Gift
This year for Christmas, I wasn't extremely excited at first. There just seemed to be a lot going on that didn't really have a lot to do with Christmas at first. After getting into the Christmas spirit by decorating and really just keeping in mind what this time of year is about I started to get more excited.
Everyone knows the Christmas story, we hear it every year... or we should hear it every year. If we don't maybe this year would be a good year to start that tradition in our homes. This time of year is really about the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. The ultimate gift to the world. The one gift that can never be topped. A perfect gift. While thinking about this and listening to Christmas music and remembering family traditions and snow and everything that makes Christmas so magical, I decided that this year what was really important to me was giving back to our Saviour and Heavenly Father.
Like I said, their gift to the world can never be topped. But I feel there is no greater gift to our Father and older brother than to love and serve one another. So this year, if you haven't already, I want to extend a challenge to each of you. Give our Saviour and Father what they want most. Show your love for each other by serving. All it really takes is finding one person to do something really special for. Something they wouldn't be able to do for themselves. Some of you I'm sure have already accomplished this, for instance my parents made it possible for me to make it to my brother's wedding. Something I couldn't do without them.
It doesn't have to involve money or presents, it can be as simple as an anonymous thank you card to giving a family a Christmas dinner they otherwise wouldn't have. The best kind of service is done anonymously. Who knows, you may just make someone's Christmas or even bring tears to their eyes. :)
Merry Christmas everyone!
Everyone knows the Christmas story, we hear it every year... or we should hear it every year. If we don't maybe this year would be a good year to start that tradition in our homes. This time of year is really about the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. The ultimate gift to the world. The one gift that can never be topped. A perfect gift. While thinking about this and listening to Christmas music and remembering family traditions and snow and everything that makes Christmas so magical, I decided that this year what was really important to me was giving back to our Saviour and Heavenly Father.
Like I said, their gift to the world can never be topped. But I feel there is no greater gift to our Father and older brother than to love and serve one another. So this year, if you haven't already, I want to extend a challenge to each of you. Give our Saviour and Father what they want most. Show your love for each other by serving. All it really takes is finding one person to do something really special for. Something they wouldn't be able to do for themselves. Some of you I'm sure have already accomplished this, for instance my parents made it possible for me to make it to my brother's wedding. Something I couldn't do without them.
It doesn't have to involve money or presents, it can be as simple as an anonymous thank you card to giving a family a Christmas dinner they otherwise wouldn't have. The best kind of service is done anonymously. Who knows, you may just make someone's Christmas or even bring tears to their eyes. :)
Merry Christmas everyone!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
LOL!!!
Ok first off I want to say how much I absolutely hate using the abbreviation "lol". But really? There is no other way to describe certain moments in a more condensed form. Next I would like all to ponder a question. Have you ever had a moment in a car when no one else was there that you realize if someone had been there they would probably think you were crazy? I had one such moment today.
As with any typical girl I think about EVERYTHING.... A LOT!!! Probably too much. Well I guess that's a given. Anyway, while I was driving... and thinking as I usually do, my thoughts started to wander on events of this past weekend. And thinking and thinking and thinking... until I remembered a particularly hilarious part and I started smiling... bigger and bigger... until I couldn't keep it in anymore. I started laughing hysterically. I couldn't stop! I tried to only smile but it's like my body was telling me that wasn't enough! After gathering my senses that had spilled out onto the floor I realized that if someone had been in the car they would have thought I had lost it. Ok I did lose it. But they would have thought I did for no particular reason. When in fact there was a reason! But I was laughing so hard I wouldn't have been able to tell them what that reason was. So they would have continued to think I was nuts and on top of it all it was one of those hilarious situations that you really did have to be there to find it as funny as I did. An inexplicable situation. Thankfully no one was there, except little Elsie and she probably thinks I'm a little wacko anyway, so my reputation is safe. :) Or was, until I wrote this post... dang it...
As with any typical girl I think about EVERYTHING.... A LOT!!! Probably too much. Well I guess that's a given. Anyway, while I was driving... and thinking as I usually do, my thoughts started to wander on events of this past weekend. And thinking and thinking and thinking... until I remembered a particularly hilarious part and I started smiling... bigger and bigger... until I couldn't keep it in anymore. I started laughing hysterically. I couldn't stop! I tried to only smile but it's like my body was telling me that wasn't enough! After gathering my senses that had spilled out onto the floor I realized that if someone had been in the car they would have thought I had lost it. Ok I did lose it. But they would have thought I did for no particular reason. When in fact there was a reason! But I was laughing so hard I wouldn't have been able to tell them what that reason was. So they would have continued to think I was nuts and on top of it all it was one of those hilarious situations that you really did have to be there to find it as funny as I did. An inexplicable situation. Thankfully no one was there, except little Elsie and she probably thinks I'm a little wacko anyway, so my reputation is safe. :) Or was, until I wrote this post... dang it...
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Hands and feet!
Elsie discovered her feet for the first time the other day. :) She is pretty much in this position most of the time now. Gnawing on her hand and playing with her feet. She hasn't quite figured out how to switch hands though. I think she's gonna be a righty.
Haha! I love the faces she makes!
Halloween!
So I stole these from my friend because I was a bad mommy and forgot the camera when we went to Trunk or Treat at the church. :( In my defense so did Edwin. Ha! So when we were getting ready, I'm a vampire and Edwin an astronaut by the way, I said Edwin you need a helmet. And if you know Edwin you know he's really good at imitating Marvin the Martian and says Where's my helmet?! So of course when I said he needed one he said that and I just about died laughing.
Yes that is "blood" dripping down my lip. Elsie was so cute in her ladybug costume! There were two other little girls in ladybug costumes and they all got a picture together but I'm still waiting to receive it from my friend... yes Jen that means you ;)
Daddy moments
Edwin putting Elsie to sleep. I love the spit on his shirt :) That means she was cuddling him :D
Sometimes she fights it.
Chunky thighs!!! And doing what Edwin does best, scaring mommy half to death...
Haha! I love her face in this one! I feel like I need to make an airplane noise when I see it.
He's so freaking handsome!!! And a good daddy. :) I love them both!
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